A vicious cycle/Downward Spiral

I’m not 100% sure these are the same tropes.

Regardless… I am stuck.

Perhaps it’s the unending headache. It may well be the recurrent depression. Whatever it is it’s becoming unrelenting. I am creatively dry. Ideas are shrivelling like fruit on an un-watered tree in the height of summer. 

I’m also haunted by bad decisions. This has been a recurring theme most of my life yet… lately it’s been drawn into a much sharper focus.

Is the realisation of faults a path to enlightenment and change? I can’t convince myself. The stories we are told/read are dripped into us so that we see the protagonist learn and change. It’s pretty fundamental to story telling. The main character should be taken on a journey that sees him grow as a person.

I can’t be convinced that fiction imitates life if this is the case because I rarely feel I learn anything from what happened.

To an extent I am at least now aware of the things I do and the character traits I have taken on yet I seem to be following an inescapeable path toward retreading these constantly.

Am I being slow on the uptake? I don’t think so. I know what I’m doing, what I’m capable of and the havoc that it can bring yet… I’m still drawn to do it. I feel like I have become the narcissistic bad guy in my own life.

There are times when I have no real problem with this. I guess that’s the narcissism? There are times when I curse myself for my inability to change in the face of an overwhelming retreading of bad shit that I created.

Now… I have to wonder what is responsible for this cycle. Can I break and if so what is it that’s causing it. Perhaps it’s the unending headache. It may well be the recurrent depression.

Regardless… I am stuck.

Inspiration Vs…

A phone call with my mother took a turn toward artistic endeavours the other day. We never really discuss our artistic pursuits. They lie in different areas and well… we’ve both lapsed. The conversation was cut short as most mobile phone calls tend to be but it got me thinking. We both agreed that we had been inspired once, that we had felt a creative spark, all past tense. So what had happened? What had kept us from letting out that creativity?

I can’t speak for my mother of course but I got a little introspective. I started to mull over the last time I’d been really inspired to write something. It was back when I’d been playing in a band. Sure I’d had ideas since then, but nothing that I ever fully realised and certainly never committed to paper. Ah ha… I thought… paper…

Mobile operating systems, why can’t we share?

It’s shaping up to be a bizarre week. On a train back from the Edinburgh Fringe last week I took a tumble when the train decided to slow down somewhat quicker than my legs could anticipate. If you have ever landed firmly on your coccyx then you will appreciate the current level of discomfort I am facing. I like to slouch around with my mobile gadgets, sadly that is not on the cards. In this post I’d like to talk about the issues surrounding running multiple operating systems and in particular the inability easily share data.

Introductions.

Hey folks. I am Cmidrfti. A gamer, a geek, and a technophile. I’ve also been known dip my toes  into more artistic pursuits. Over the years I’ve acted, written and directed for the stage. I’ve also dabbled in music and played in various bands over a period of around 15 years. All of this was done in a purely amateur capacity. I guess that’s where I always end up, dabbling in various things and then moving on. 

I don’t feel the sun’s coming out today…

Times have changed folks. Once upon a time this blog was a vehicle for me documenting the obscene amount of time I dedicated to World of Warcraft. I slipped away from playing WoW sometime ago. I went on holiday and drifted. Then the shit hit the fan…

Protected: Pug Off! My current frustrations with other people in the queue.

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rawr…

…huh, what is it good for?

Yup that’s right, diving straight to a cliche this morning and paraphrasing the lyrics to “War” a song made infamous by Edwin Starr. While I had the best of intentions of coming on and bitching about the irony of the patch 3.3 random LFG title “The Patient”, discussing our failed attempt at semi pugging the Eye Of Eternity and grumbling about how much of a pain in the ass it is trying to gear my dk tank, Rawr was brought to my attention. So without any further digressions I return to the opening question.